Equilibrium
by Beth6787
Summary: A postscript to "Equinox." Just why had our Captain taken the actions of Captain Rudy Ransom quite so personally?...


Beth 6787

15th December2017

Equilibrium

A postscript to "Equinox". Just why had our Captain taken the actions of Rudy Ransom quite so personally?

They had survived. Just. Another crises overcome and five traumatised former Equinox crew members to integrate into the Voyager family. She had made a tentative peace offering to Chakotay on the Bridge this afternoon and he had had the compassion and grace to reciprocate. Putting the ship's plaque back up where it belonged was going to be a lot simpler than doing the same for their friendship. She knew she had no reasonable excuses for her behaviour and had they been back in the AQ it would have been her facing the court martial. Had she really threatened Chakotay with that and confined him to quarters! Oh Kathryn she tortured herself, you have really screwed things up big time now...

Chakotay arrived at Holodeck 1 with the salad he had promised to replicate for Neelix's crew "pick me up" party (hardly an apt word given the subdued atmosphere in the room). Everyone had been aware of the falling out between their Captain and First Officer, that in itself would be enough to put the crew's nerves on edge , but given the firefight with a fellow Starfleet crew and the horrific treatment of those sentient beings and their subspace assaults on Voyager , along with the Destruction of the Equinox and loss of nearly all hands : well everyone could be excused for feeling dejected and afraid. If ever he needed Kathryn to put in an appearance and reassure their Voyager family it was now. He looked around but she hadn't arrived yet. Time to mingle and put everyone at ease, especially the five newest members of their family. The Equinox crew had had a far harder time in the DQ than they, with only a short range, scientific survey vessel to call home. None of the speed, defensive capabilities or luxuries designed for prolonged tours of duty available to the crew of an Intrepid class vessel such as Voyager. Chakotay had lived and worked on the old, rust bucket space hopper Val Jean along with most of his ex-Maquis crew , and had some idea of the privations they had endured and perhaps that had driven Ransom to make the mistakes he did. Desperation could do that to a man, he knew well.

Neelix pulled him out of his gloomy thoughts. "Ah ! There you are Commander. I was hoping you could say a few words to get the party started?" The Talaxian morale officer looked at him pleadingly. "Of course, Neelix. happy to, though I will keep it brief as no doubt the Captain will want to address everyone as soon as she is free to join us."

With that Chakotay headed to the centre of the room and picked up a glass of synthehol and lightly tinkled it was a spoon. The background murmur of conversation fell silent as they all turned to hear what their friend and Commander had to say.

Chakotay gave them all his best reassuring smile which he hoped reached his eyes and radiated a confidence and tranquility that he had not yet regained.

He began " Firstly, may I thank each and every one of you for giving up your precious down time to join us here for this impromptu gathering this evening. I know that you are all pulling double shifts at the moment trying to get Voyager habitable and spaceworthy once again. Although they are thin on the ground here tonight, please raise your glasses to our engineering teams, on who we all rely so heavily for our very survival. We are all so proud of you and thankful for your skill and dedication to duty. May I also welcome on board our five newest additions to the Voyager family, we know you will make a valuable contribution to our continued journey home and we will all do our utmost to make you feel at home. Any worries, my door is always open to you (at this juncture Chakotay looked meaningfully at Noah Lessing who had borne the brunt of Kathryn's fury towards Ransom)." Noah inclined his head ever so slightly but Chakotay saw the tension in his body ease for which he was grateful. He continued "the last month or so has been enormously stressful for us all. Firstly the joy of finding we were not alone out here and having a sister ship to journey on together with. Then finding that they were under attack by subspace dwelling creatures, and later, the horrific reason for that. The unprovoked attacks on Voyager and her crew due to that misunderstanding, then the loss of the Equinox along with her Captain and most of her crew. You are also all aware that there has been more tension between your command team than usual. I am happy to report that that situation is now resolved (a temporary 'fib' that Chakotay meant to rectify with Kathryn later tonight, as soon as this gathering could be brought to an appropriate close) but, although we differed in our approaches let me reassure you this is part and parcel of a First Officer's job. She or he is a sounding board for the Captain, but the decisions are always to be made by the person who had earned the right to sit in that command seat. I know of no one who has earned that right more than our captain, Kathryn Janeway. She has kept us going these last five years, we are two decades nearer home than when we set out and we are all together. Captain Janeway has achieved that by going above and beyond the call of duty on more occasions than I have time to recall. Rest assured, we are a team and I have every confidence in her to always act for the greater good. I'm sure she will want to say a few words to you herself as soon as she is able to join us so I will wrap up now with a toast. To Captain Janeway and the good ship Voyager and all who sail in her. May our family continue to prevail."

"Here ! here !" Shouted Tom Paris and there was a round of applause for their First Officer. Chakotay made his way towards the back corner of the room, making small talk to those he encountered along the way. The energy had picked up and people where gathering in small groups chatting and laughing. Touchingly, Tal Celes and a couple of her friends had made a point of including the Equinox orphans in her group and it was good to see Marla smiling and chatting away. Where is the Captain he thought? I'll give her another ten minutes or so then discreetly slip out and hunt her down...

Kathryn had been standing just outside the holodeck doors for the last ten minutes. She stood poised, with the dish of croutons in her hands, and had been about to open the doors and head in when she had heard Chakotay tinkle his glass and the room fall silent. She did not want to interrupt him mid flow and she was acutely aware that she needed to hear what he had to say. If she entered now he would of course, defer to her, and she needed time to gather her thoughts before addressing her crew. More than that, she needed to know what was going through Chakotay's head. She felt the tears welling in her eyes at his ringing endorsement of her. She did not deserve it but, as ever, he was putting the morale of the crew before any other consideration. She cringed internally when he reached out a metaphorical hand to what was left of the Equinox crew. In her minds eye she saw Noah Lessing and the expression in his eyes, a mixture of genuine fear and contempt for her, when she had threatened to leave him to a certain death at the hands of the aliens. She braced herself mentally and physically, come on Kathryn, this is your mess, not Chakotay's , and you need to go in there and hold out the hand of friendship to your crew once again. With that she pressed the entry key and stepped over the threshold. She headed straight for the central strip of trestle tables where the pick and mix food had been laid out and added the croutons to a couple of serving bowls. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Chakotay slowly making his way towards her. Not now Commander she thought. I do not have the strength for you yet, firstly I must address my crew. She nodded briefly at Chakotay then stepped onto a small foot stall so she could be seen above the crowds and cleared her throat. You could have heard a pin drop such was the sudden suspension of all activity in the room. She had the undivided attention of more than one hundred of her crew. Tom Paris saw what was happening and indicated to the Captain that he would patch through her speech on the shipwide tannoy. She nodded her assent.

" Firstly may I thank Neelix and his team for organising this much needed social get together and Commander Chakotay for hosting until I could get away to join you. I caught the tail end of the commander's address and may I second his warm welcome to our five newest crew members, I know you will all be a great asset to our family and I very much hope you will soon feel that Voyager is your home now too. Next, and most importantly, I owe you all an apology. Although I had always intended to act in the best interest of you, my crew, at all times I allowed my revulsion for the actions of Captain Ransom, and it was his responsibility alone as commanding officer of the Equinox, to cloud my judgement. By choosing to prioritise the pursuit of Captain Ransom I delayed making first contact with the aliens he was using for fuel and thus there were additional attacks on Voyager and the loss of life of four crewmen that should have been avoided. The fault is mine alone and I accept full responsibility for the outcome. I am so sorry, if I could trade places with those crewmen I would. To those of you who have lost friends and family I can only promise to try and learn by my mistakes and be receptive to the counsel of my senior staff. Most of all I owe a heartfelt apology to our First Officer, Commander Chakotay. He is to be commended for singlehandedly seeking out the people who introduced the Equinox crew to their 'spirits of good fortune' thereby facilitating that vital first communication to resolve this situation and bring peace between our two species. So that this situation can never occur again, I have instigated a new command protocol whereby, in future, in critical situations there will have to be consensus between at least two of the three most senior officers - namely myself & commanders Chakotay and Tuvok - before a decision is enacted. Thereby negating the chance that any of the three of us can act unwisely, alone. Please enjoy the rest of your evening. Thank you."

And with that, Kathryn fixed her eyes on the doorway and made her escape. As soon as she was out she ordered a site to site transport to her quarters and collapsed, shaking on the sofa. She had tried her best to avoid Chakotay's gaze whilst she was speaking but had caught the look of surprise and, yes pity, at her final comments. She could not bear to face him just yet. Perhaps after a good soak in the bath and a couple of hours reading her favourite poetry she might just be able to sleep before the inevitable showdown in her Ready Room tomorrow.

Chakotay was frankly stunned. He had expected her to be feeling guilty and maybe to hold an olive branch out to her crew but nothing as extreme as this. She had just announced to the entire ship's complement that she no longer trusted her own judgement and that it would be necessary for both himself and Tuvok to keep her in check for the rest of there journey. Which, frankly, could yet be decades. She had meant to be reassuring but he was well aware that her new protocol had had precisely the opposite effect. Tuvok caught his eye and he knew that they were both thinking the same thing. He headed over and asked Tuvok to co- host the rest of the evening with Neelix. Perhaps a little subtle 'damage limitation'...Tuvok understood and nodded his assent. With that Chakotay made his goodbyes and went in search of Kathryn.

Well, she had had her bath and been staring at her poetry book for the last ten minutes without registering a thing. Her mind had travelled back twenty years, almost to the day, when she had lost both her beloved father and fiancé, Justin, in that shuttle crash. And it was all the fault of John (Rudy) Ransom. If only he had not been her father's First Officer on that mission. She knew that someone with more gumption would have sent in a rescue team, in spite of the risks, and maybe they would both be living and breathing now. By the time the rescue team had gotten to the shuttle her fiancé had been dead for just over an hour but Admiral Paris had only passed away a few minutes before. That delay cost her father's life for sure and maybe Justin could have been saved to. The bitterness rose in her throat yet again. Of all the Starfleet personnel to meet out here, it had to be him! And to think, they had actually given him a promotion and made him Captain of his own ship. Look how that decision had turned out for his crew! Kathryn knew that had they encountered anyone else in command of the Equinox, she would have made the same call as Chakotay. Indeed, she had recognised it as the right course of action to take. But that risked letting Ransom escape. He had gotten away with murder before (as far as she was concerned) and she was damned if she was going to let him escape justice a second time. Of course, he had recognised her the moment their ship's had made contact. Hence his telling his First Officer, Belanna's old buddy Max, that "Janeway would never understand". Oh but she did, only too well ! ! Ransom should have been demoted to Ensign as far as she was concerned and never put in a position to make any command decision in his life ever again. Instead they had given him the captain's chair and, of course, he could not rise to the responsibility. He allowed his First Officer to talk him into genocide, supposedly in the interests of getting them all home a bit faster. She felt physically sick at the thought of him. And worst of all, he had caused her to lose all perspective, all rational judgement and the respect of her entire crew. He had probably lost her Chakotay too. At the thought of the latter Kathryn finally gave into the well of pain inside her and curled up sobbing on the sofa.

Chakotay had tried hailing Kathryn several times over the last two hours but the Comm system still said she was unavailable. Normally he would have accepted that but not tonight. Something was very, very wrong. Not only had Captain Janeway lost all perspective and rational decision making over the Equinox affair but she was seriously afraid that the same could happen again. She had lost all faith in her own judgement and command ability. There had to be a piece of the puzzle missing. He was determined to get to the bottom of the matter tonight. If he left it until tomorrow morning, Kathryn would have time to think up some platitudes. Say it was nothing and that now all was fine. But he knew it was not. If something was eating her up so badly that she had felt compelled to make that speech than he had to know what it was, in order to protect the crew as well as Kathryn herself.

He hoped she would forgive him but, come what may, they were going to confront her demons tonight. "Computer, emergency override. Site to site transport. Commander Chakotay to Captain Janeway's quarters. Living room area. Override code psi epsilon 24553"

Chakotay materialised just inside the door of Kathryn's quarters. He saw her immediately. She was not aware of his presence, curled up in a ball on the sofa crying her eyes out. It was a pitiful wailing sound from her very soul. He raced over to the sofa, sat down and pulled her into his arms, rocking her gently. "It's alright now Kathryn, I'm here. It's all over." He repeated this softly every once in a while whilst he let her release it all until she was spent. He had a feeling that whatever this was truly about was far from all over for Kathryn.

"Kathryn, talk to me. Please." He waited and she eventually drew herself up and sat next to him on the sofa. He stood and made them both a soothing peppermint tea whilst she dried her eyes and tried to order her thoughts.

"Oh Chakotay, what have I done? In all the years we have been out here, all the battles we have fought together and all the challenges the crew have faced, I have never before lost sight of myself and what I believe in. I have been a stickler for protocol, Starfleet ethics and always acting in the greater good. Until now. How could I let one man, and John Ransom at that, jeopardise all I hold so dear."

"So why did you? What is it about Ransom that I do not know? Is there history between the two of you?" Chakotay looked thoroughly perplexed and worried in equal measure. She could see his desire to comfort her wrestling with his reluctance to hear what was coming next.

"Not directly, but yes. Ransom has had a profound effect on my life and cost me a great deal that I can never recover." She looked at him. "It happened almost twenty years ago and I remember every word of his evidence at the inquest."

"Inquest?... Kathryn what are you talking about?"

She cut to the chase. "First Officer, John Gordon (known as Rudy) Ransom was the officer directly responsible for the deaths of my father, Admiral Edward Janeway and my fiancé, Commander Justin Tighe. They had gone out on a shuttle proving mission with a new prototype engine that Justin had been heavily involved in designing. So he had wanted to field test it himself. My father was to have the first of the new generation of shuttles assigned to his flag ship so had volunteered to join Justin in putting the Lightening Rod through it's paces." At this recollection of the shuttles rather colourful name Kathryn smiled " Justin was a lot like Tom Paris in that way. A thrill seeker who liked to appear 'cool' as Mr. Paris would say! " she took a sip of her tea and resumed the story " All went well for the first half an hour or so, then a sudden ion storm developed on the dark side of Saturn. The ring system intensified the magnetic field and the quantum field of the new engines overloaded. Although they managed shutdown, the flight navigation system and inertial thrusters had fused and they crash landed on the ice moon Europa. As soon as Justin had realised what was happening he put out a Mayday hail to Ransom who was on the Endeavour, in temporary command. Ransom tried an emergency beam out but the magnetic fluctuations would not allow a lock on their biosignatures. The ion storm had gained intensity so the Endeavour's tractor beam was non operational. However ship was equipped with short range cargo shuttles, Beta 4 class. Old and slow BUT crucially, not affected by ion storms due to their near obsolete neutron drive thrusters. It would have been perfectly safe to send out a rescue team in the beta shuttle before the storm was over. Ransom refused to take the risk so my father and Justin were left , injured and dying in a shuttle with multiple hull breeches for over three hours before the rescue craft were went out to them. They had put on their containment suits and oxygen bottles and done their best to seal the hull, but both suits had been damaged on impact and corrosive gases were seeping in. by the time the Endeavour crew reached them, Justin had been dead for just over an hour and my father for less than ten minutes. But it was too late, too much damage had been done by Europa's atmosphere to save even my father. Had Ransom sent a rescue shuttle as soon as he received the Mayday then it would have reached the crash site within the first hour. Well before either of them died. If it was not for Ransom, both Daddy and Justin would probably still be with us today. The inquest reviewed hours of evidence and took witness statements from all the Bridge Crew. They deliberated for three days and the verdict was not unanimous but the majority verdict was that Ransom had done his best to ensure the minimal loss of life and put the safety of the Endeavour crew ahead of the shuttle team until such time as he was sure the ion storm had dissipated enough to attempt a rescue He was vindicated and allowed to carry on with his career. I felt they had made the wrong judgement call at the time but I was only a junior lieutenant in the science division in those days and `I was hardly impartial. So my appeal was dismissed and his commission was allowed to stand. I have tried to come to terms with that over the years and had put Ransom to the back of my mind. Then who should I be confronted with in the DQ, And in the Captain's chair no less. None other than my nemesis" she paused to regain her composure and gather her thoughts. Chakotay said nothing, knowing she needed to let it all out.

Kathryn resumed " do you know what the worst thing about this whole episode is Chakotay? I was right about him all along! All those poor aliens that died because of his lack of backbone and ethically bereft First Officer, the trauma and loss of life of the Equinox crew. then, worst of all, his lies and deception which endangered our crew and cost fifteen of our family their lives. Ransom had so much blood on his hands I could not let him get away. Do you understand?" She looked at him beseechingly. Oh please Chakotay, I need your understanding and forgiveness now more than ever, she thought.

He put his tea down and took both of her hands and sat facing her. What he was about to say would maybe be the defining moment of their relationship. "Yes, oh yes Kathryn. I can understand why you reacted the way you did given your history with Ransom. You would have had to be super human not to have let him get under you skin. What I do not understand, and cannot understand, is why you did not come to me with this the moment you recognised who was in command of the Equinox. You have known me for five years. We have shared our deepest hopes and fears, firstly on New Earth and during many crises and dinners in our quarters since. It is what has kept us strong and focussed. It is what allows us to make the right decisions. Together. To work as a team we have to trust each other with our greatest fears and, yes, our Achilles Heels. You did not need to change the protocol today, for the two of us already act as a counterbalance to the other's doubts and fears. All you needed to do was trust me. Remember the Angry Warrior tale I used to say the unsayable to you on New Earth. It still holds true. Every word and it always will to my dying day."

Kathryn stared at him for a long moment then smiled and squeezed his hands a little tighter and a thousand unspoken words passed between them.

THE END

11


End file.
